What an interesting thing when a fifteen year old girl yells in your face basically she doesn't want you involved in her life. A girl you try to invest in so much and want to care about. Is it wrong that my feelings are hurt, but that I'm not shattered? Should I be shattered? Should I try to mend all broken pieces? I don't know.
Right now I don't even want to mention her name to anyone for fear of being blamed for much more. This entire situation got me to thinking...What is leadership? Why am I doing it? I thought for so long I was doing it because my heart longed for those girls to know Christ so deep. I loved to talk to them, get to know their hearts and lives. But now after this, was I more upset because I was doing it for myself? I still don't know the answer to that either.
Maybe for so long I've been so selfish with leadership because it made me look good and feel good. The fact that people wanted to trust me and invest in me did something. So is what I do for me, or is it really for them? I know my burden is for them to know Christ, but is it so they can REALLY know him, love him, share life with him, or is it so I can feel better about what I do? Do I really want them to go deep for them, or for me? If they don't go deep am I doing it all wrong? My brain won't stop moving. I want to love them for who they really are, and not care when they get so upset because it doesn't change how I feel. So many things I need to get straight. Deep for a first blog i know.
